Christopher “Cant Sit Well” Adjusts To Prison Life

His enthusiastic performance in taking 2 dozen BBC’s follows a surprise arousal after smuggling contraband in his rectum. A star is born in the Va prison system.


Cantwell was asked to smuggle contraband, but accidentally gave himself a prostate orgasm. Reports are he was overwhelmed and ended up performing oral and offering his colon to the entire African American population of his cell block. Reports from inside the Virginia Jail are that the release of his repressed homosexual desires have led him to an epiphany.

Letters read by jail guards sent by Cantwell to Richard Spencer record a pledge of undying love and offers of gay marriage to Spencer, Montana’s National Bolshevik Ag-Subsidy Queen…in more than one sense of the word. Previously Cantwell had rejected Spencer’s homosexual advances, after Jared Howe and Richard Spencer were accidentally interrupted having sex in a Charlottesville, Va, hotel room. His new conversion has him hungering for both men.

We will keep readers posted as the story progresses.

cantwell prison


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